one year
Current mood:
nostalgic
Today my baby is one years old!!! I can’t even believe it.
I can’t imagine my life without her, it seems as if she’s always been there. On the other hand…I can’t believe it has already been one year since God gave her to us.
It happened so fast, it doesn’t last forever. I remember when I never got to sleep, and she woke up every 3 hours. I thought this would last forever. Now she sleeps through the night and that is a distant memory. All the cliches are true-
What a year it’s been!!! I would’ve thought that by her first birthday I would have things figured out, this mom thing. How to keep up with her and everything else, a daily routine, how to be patient and loving at all times even when it seems the hardest thing to do. How to get her to sleep and eat and obey. yeah. I guess maybe by her 18th birthday I’ll have some of this figured out? I feel like just when I get something down and figured out, she’s out of that stage and into a new one. Like I finally got down a routine of making baby food and what to feed her and all of that, and then she started self feeding finger food….and it didn’t matter.
In so many ways I feel like I’m not living up to my own expectations of what I should be doing, what I should know, who I should be, how I should be doing all of this. Bella is only one years old. And then it dawns on me. I’m 29 years old, but I’m only a one year old mom! Which means…i have a long way to go, just as my daughter can’t be expected to know how to do everything, neither can I. I suppose that should bring some relief.
I look around at the myriad of unfinished projects and books to read and chores, and I wonder…what have I been doing all of this time??? But I think the one thing I have done well is just enjoy my daughter. Sometimes I just sit and watch her, I’ve spent a lot of time watching her. I haven’t missed a moment of her discovering her world this last year. So I’ve spent an entire year, just watching the most beautiful baby grow and learn and experience life. I’ve been grieving this birthday a little, realizing that it’s over, I can’t get that time back, she won’t be that small ever again, she won’t experience that for the first time ever again. And for that…I’m glad I’ve spent 365 days just watching her….
