Courageous Hope

Any area of your life that does not glisten with hope is under the influence of a lie.

New Eyes February 28, 2011

Filed under: Gratitude,Spirituality — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 10:51 am
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Recently I was handed a pair of glasses that opened up a whole new way of seeing for me. I would like to say I’ve always been a grateful person, that I’ve always been a “seize the day” type of person and I think I have. The last few years I have felt drawn to be more present in the moments and be thankful for all life’s gifts. This last year especially I have been breathing in the moments and breathing out my gratitude. The more I do this the more I have come to realize that my past thanks has been only surface level and there is a deeper well of gratitude that gets to the wells of joy. Then I began to read Ann’s blog and book One Thousand Gifts. Ann’s revelation from God on thankfulness, grace and time has been a key to unlocking the door for my mind to be renewed and my heart to overflow with gratitude and joy.  What this has done for me is beyond just keeping a gratitude journal or being positive as you count your blessings. It is a new way of seeing.

And that way of seeing is a gateway to deep and lasting joy. Putting on the glasses is the revelation of how powerful gratitude is, but it must be learned, it is a practice of putting them on over and over until they become your very own eyes.

Truth be told, right now my life is good. Dare I say fantastic! Better than ever! Yet in the midst of a society that doesn’t always value the role I currently live out there is a dailyness to my life that can seem so simple (just me and the kids all day long), so mundane (laundry and dishes woohoo!), so repetitive (didn’t I just sweep this floor/ change this diaper/ say “Please pick up your shoes!” 5 minutes ago??), and at times exhausting. That is when this way of seeing becomes a practice to be learned. When the world around us brings pain, confusion and heartbreak we must have eyes to see and learn thanks.

In that learning my gratitude has gone deeper.   Ann asks, “Is the height of my joy dependent on the depths of my thanks?”

I think yes. I think that superficial thanks gives you superficial joy, but deep gratitude unlocks deepest joy.

Ann talks about “He gave thanks” in scriptures in the original language translates “Eucharisteo”, the root of which is charis meaning “grace”, and the derivative the Greek word chara, meaning “joy”.

This act of eucharisteo for all the daily graces really does unlock deep joy and abundant life.

So I urge you, allow your gratitude to go deeper. Today. Right where you are.

“The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be—unbelievably – possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.” – Ann Voskamp

Now that the revelation has been unlocked for me I am seeing it everywhere, not just in the counting of these gifts, but as I read scripture I see this key of gratitude has been there all this time, I just did not have the eyes see it.

For me the learning has come not in this general “Thanks for everything”, but in the naming of very specific gifts I am thankful for. And so I join Ann and her community as I continue to count my way to one thousand….

29.            Voluntary kisses from my sweet little boy

30.            Holding hands in the dark

31.            Birds singing their sweet chorus

32.            People around me that inspire me

33.            That my children’s grandparents love spending time with them

34.            Waves crashing on the beach

35.            Sand between my toes

36.            Fresh revelation

37.            My hardworking husband

38.            Hearing the little one grow his vocabulary, repeating “hi” “hi” “hi” all day long

39.            My daughter learning to read, create and love

40.            The adventurous spirit that is a 16 month old boy

<a href=”http://www.aholyexperience.com&#8221; target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff162/annvoskamp/multitudesonmondaysbutton2-1.jpg&#8221; ></a>

 

An Invitation To Courageous Hope February 26, 2011

Filed under: Life,Poetry,Spirituality,Supernatural Living — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 11:38 pm
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Right now there is a song wearing a deep groove on my ipod as it repeats throughout my days. It moves me from deep within with lyrics like:
Your face is what I long to see…
Show me Your face
No more veils covering me
Burn me with pure love
So I can see

Gorgeous Face by Rick Pino is piercing the depths of me right now. It is the beat of my heart. I long to see, truly see His face. I desire for all the veils to be lifted that block my heart from seeing the real and true God. The veils of my own brokenness, the veils of religion, the veils of false assumptions, the veils of my own pain.

I am done with just talking about God and His face. I want to experience Him in all His fullness, truth and power. I am done with clichés and trite religion, done with to-do lists and programs, done with worshipping a god that looks like me.

I am undone.

His face is all that matters. His gorgeous face.
I want to be consumed by His love and the fullness of His heart.

As I pray for eyes to see, I wonder if I can see His face in all this mess?
In the dirty dishes, the teething toddler, the mountain of laundry, the piles of bills, the world gone mad and hopeless.

Can I find him here? See his face?

And I look up; cry out for the veil to be lifted.

And hope rises.

Eyes open.

Ears hear.

That is what brings me to this space here. I need an outlet to process through the written word my journey to His face.

Will you join me here?

Let’s walk together down the long aisle…..
With courageous hope.
Removing the veils as we walk

I see Him waiting for us at the end of the aisle with His all-consuming love, His gorgeous face.

Full lyrics of Gorgeous Face by Rick Pino

Your face
Is what I long to see
Your eyes
Piercing the depths of me

Come quickly, my Father
Your child is here waiting
Show me Your face
No more veils covering me
Burn me with pure love
So I can see
My Lord, my Lord

Awesome splendor
Glorious majesty
Faithful Father
Gorgeous face

 

Multitudes on Mondays February 21, 2011

Filed under: Gratitude,Parenting,Spirituality,Supernatural Living — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 8:55 pm
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It’s still dark and before my feet even hit the floor the youngest is already taking nourishment from me, I’m barely awake and the oldest is asking for breakfast and I try to find the focus to remember to start this day and then I stumble over the mountain of laundry un-folded and

I wonder… even here?

You are here?  Even in this?  Can I find you?

If I have eyes to see…

Grace here? All is grace…even here…..on a Monday, when I need You more, so much more.

You inhabit the praises of your people and I need your inhabitation and so I praise, I thank….I open your love letter to me…..

13. A little boy whose hands go up in worship the minute the music plays and the daughter who runs to find
dancing clothes at the same time… hearts of worship these little ones…

14.            The osprey, wings spread wide against the backdrop of a bright blue sky

15.            The glimpse of a bald eagle flying away

16.            My boy with one shoe on exploring the backyard

17.            Orange slices all over the floor

18.            Laughter

19.            His hands hard at work to give us this life

20.            His tiny little hand gripping mine

21.            Three hands in the bowl of popcorn

22.            My little life in His big hands

23.            Warm sunshine and cool breezes

24.            The gift of time

25.            Undeserved luxuries

26.            Family “in-love”

27.            The golden tree absorbing and giving off the spring sun.

28.            The God who sees and sees to it.

Multitudes on Mondays – One Thousand Gifts @ A Holy Experience

 

Tear It Down February 10, 2011

Filed under: Marriage,Relationships — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 10:01 pm
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One of my hopes for this blog is that it can become a space that can inspire hope in marriages. Keep your eyes peeled for more posts about marriage! (This one was actually written about a year ago posted on Oasis Community Church blog in response to a Sunday service).

Sunday as Solomon and Christy began to tear down the wall they had built on the stage I wanted to stand up and applaud. When Sol brought Christy over the crumbled wall and they embraced and hand in hand walked away from the wall I wanted to stand and shout a big woo hoo!!! Maybe I am a bit dramatic, but what that represented was huge. The tearing down of walls is the rescue for marriages, for hearts, for souls, for lives. We cannot lose hope, much is at stake when we leave walls up, more than we realize.

Walls are built in many ways, sometimes quickly as if we are defending against a powerful army getting ready to attack. Sometimes we build them slowly, so slowly we don’t even notice until the wall is too high to see over. We build walls with our pain, with our selfishness, our sin, our addictions, our woundedness, our stubbornness, and as Phil said with our differences, expectations, withdrawal, busyness, and blame. Walls do not just prevent oneness, walls make lies look like truth, they make other grass look greener; they make options we never imagined cross our mind. Walls make misery a reality, joy elusive and hope deferred. Walls cast long dark shadows and block the light. Their shadows become a hiding place for the hopeless.

Just like they are built walls are taken down in different ways. Sometimes the wall is taken down by our own obedience to take the bricks down one at a time as we surrender each one to God. Sometimes it is taken down with the dramatic force of a sledgehammer by the power of the Holy Spirit. Regardless of how it comes down it is never easy or pain free, but it is possible.

In my own marriage walls have been built and taken down more than once. Some of our walls have taken years to take down. At one point there was a wall so thick and strong between us that we were both shouting at it and neither of us could hear or see one another through it. Then God spoke- and the wall crumbled to the ground and we saw each other and we began the journey of redemption and restoration. It did not come wrapped in a pretty box, it was an ugly, painful box that I did not ask for, but inside was the deep answer to prayer I had longed for. I realized then that God is bigger than the walls we build.

One of the biggest things that broke our thickest wall, the wall I prayed to come down, the wall I never thought would be destroyed, what brought it down was repentance. When we both experienced a true and deep repentance. A Godly sorrow for the bricks we put up, for the wounds we inflicted on one another.

Danny Silk says- “The gift of repentance creates the opportunity for true restoration. In fact, it is absolutely necessary in order to heal a relationship that has been hurt by sinful behavior. True repentance can only come through a relationship with God in which we come into contact with the grace of God to change.” A repentant heart takes the walls down and keeps the walls down.

I was hiding in the dark shadow of the wall we created, completely hopeless and miserable. Blinded by the darkness I could never have imagined the joy, beauty and intimacy the Light would bring. But I clung to Jesus with all I had, His strength helped me hope, His Truth dispelled the lies, His kindness brought me to repentance, His Word led me into obedience, His love helped me love. God in His Grace and Mercy gave us a gift of true repentance and out of the crumbles of our wall He is building something more beautiful than we ever imagined.

That is why I wanted to stand and cheer when Solomon and Christy tore down that wall. When our wall is destroyed it is a miraculous, beautiful, powerful thing. It brings healing and life, it brings heaven to earth.

If you are hiding in the shadow of a wall you think will never come down, if oneness seems like too much to ask for because all you are hoping for is to not be so miserable anymore- ask God for strength to take the first brick down, lean into His power for the strength to obey. Do not lose hope, you cannot imagine what He has in store for you. It may take years, or minutes, but a wall torn down can be the rescue you’ve longed for, do not lose hope. The destruction of our walls can be a painful process, do not lose hope, on the other side of the pain, on the other side of the wall, is intimacy, unspeakable joy, and hope fulfilled.

 

Gratitude February 8, 2011

Filed under: Gratitude,Spirituality,Supernatural Living — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 11:30 pm
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I am reading “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp.

It is such a gift, this book, it’s message. So I am joining her community of bloggers who take their Monday posts to add to their lists, this lists of 1000 things we are grateful for, things we love, or as I might say… kisses from Heaven. As I’ve been reading this book something inside of me has begun to change and I find myself constantly in my heart slowing down the time, the moment and taking it all in, the weight of that moment and just saying “thank you” within my heart. And that… is changing me. So today I began actually writing them down and I cannot wait to see what writing down the things I love, the kisses from heaven I see, which are really just all the ways He loves me. Evidence of Him all around.
on pg. 57 Ann says,
“Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant — a seed–this plants the giant miracle. The miracle of eucharisteo, (thanksgiving/grace/joy), like the Last Supper, is in the eating of crumbs, the swallowing down of one mouthful. Do not disdain the small. The whole of the life–even the hard– is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. These are the new language lessons, and I live them out. There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up.”

So …..
1. A daughter who is a loving and kind big sister
2. Sibling love between my children
3. My curious and exploring Isaiah
4. Fresh tomatoes
5. A friend picking up my veggies
6. Being a part of a Blessing Way where God is speaking His love to our friend
7. Unexpected work
8. A gift of family time
9. Worshippers that make music that brings me to the feet of Jesus.
10. God’s grace, for all is grace……
11. Clean countertops ☺
12. My growing like a weed girl, who got herself out of the bath, dried, dressed for bed, teeth and hair brushed all without a word from me… wow….

 

Flowers for Stacey February 6, 2011

Filed under: Life,Uncategorized — Shayla @ Courageous Hope @ 10:31 pm
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I originally wrote this on another blog on July 21, 2007. While it’s been about three and a half years, her memory lives on.

There is a heaviness in my heart and I’m trying to wrap my head around it. Only I can’t because life is demanding that I be present and active right now. But I really need to process the heaviness. I am incredibly sad.
Two days ago I found out a former student of mine was brutally murdered. Stabbed in the chest nine times. She had been drinking and fell asleep at her killer’s house and after everyone was gone, for reasons no one will know, he took her life away. She was only 15 years old. How do you wrap your head around something like that? Even to say it sounds melodramatic, but it really happened. It breaks my heart when I think of how she must have suffered, it is so senseless. What’s compounds my sadness is I did not find out until a week and a half after the fact. Where was I? Why didn’t I read the paper or watch the news? Why didn’t anyone call me? I missed the funeral. I was not given the opportunity to mourn. So I’m just left here with no closure and I just feel lost. My heart wants to reach out to her friends, my other students, as well, but I missed the memorials when I could have at least let them know I was there and I cared. I need to honor the memory of Stacey. So here is my eulogy….my flowers for Stacey.

At PACE Center for Girls you really get to know the students. It’s not technically in the job description but part of your role is to love them, really. Most of these girls don’t have caring adults in their lives. So I knew Stacey pretty well. She was one of the shining stars, one of the ones you thought would really go far, to some she was a lot to handle, a little out of control…but I think she was just passionate and full of energy and life, and full of need and the desire to love and be loved. And she had the brightest smile that lit up a room.
The last two days have been a fog for me. I’m trying to pack for a long trip and i can’t… because through the flood of tears i see Stacey, I see her standing in front of my desk, hugging her binder to her chest and smiling that priceless smile, with the twinkle in her eye that was trying to get away with something she wasn’t supposed to do. Not because she was bad, but because she was so full of life she couldn’t sit still, and because she loved being with her friends so much she couldn’t stay in the right class, she had to visit all of them. Sometimes she misbehaved because she was too smart…but she didn’t know it. She was kind and thoughtful, and sweet spirited.
Right before I left on maternity leave she gave me this frame for the baby, the kind where you put a picture for each month of the first 12 months. It’s been in my daughters room ever since, When I noticed it I always thought of her. But lately when I’m looking at it, I’m thinking of when she picked it out and what she must have been thinking, “Oh this is cute, Ms. Shayla would love this…”
But I’m also wondering, did I show her love? Did I make her understand what I thought of her, that she was brilliant and beautiful and kind? Did I bring light and life into her short life, for the brief year that I had her in my class? Did I always treat her with respect? Did she know how much I cared? Did she know that I hated the way her step father talked to her and hoped she didn’t believe belittling things that were said to her? Did I always smile back? Did she know I loved her and saw so much potential in her? I keep racking my brain on the exact last time I saw her, what did we say to each other? Did I give her the attention she was looking for or was I wrapped up in something else?
I wish I could go back to one of the days in class… there would be no work that day, and I would just hang out with Stacey and absorb all of her vibrance and pour love into her as much as I could.

There are so many “whys?” in a tragedy like this. But I can’t ask why. I should be angry and I suppose I am, but I can only hope. I hope she did not feel pain, I hope she left this world feeling loved. I hope she knew God’s grace and love. I hope she knew I loved her. I hope she is dancing in a field in heaven, with God smiling back at her…her wounds healed, her broken heart put back together again, feeling completely loved and whole. I hope her death is not in vain. I hope that because of this her peers will think twice about what they do and who they do it with, I hope they will make safer choices. I hope that because of this parents and caring adults of teenagers will keep a tighter reign on them always asking “who?” “what?” “where?” and “be home on time!” I hope that because of this I will show love and speak encouraging words more often. I hope that because of Stacey we will all see the best in others and treat them as if they are already being the best they can be.

 

 
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