One of my hopes for this blog is that it can become a space that can inspire hope in marriages. Keep your eyes peeled for more posts about marriage! (This one was actually written about a year ago posted on Oasis Community Church blog in response to a Sunday service).
Sunday as Solomon and Christy began to tear down the wall they had built on the stage I wanted to stand up and applaud. When Sol brought Christy over the crumbled wall and they embraced and hand in hand walked away from the wall I wanted to stand and shout a big woo hoo!!! Maybe I am a bit dramatic, but what that represented was huge. The tearing down of walls is the rescue for marriages, for hearts, for souls, for lives. We cannot lose hope, much is at stake when we leave walls up, more than we realize.
Walls are built in many ways, sometimes quickly as if we are defending against a powerful army getting ready to attack. Sometimes we build them slowly, so slowly we don’t even notice until the wall is too high to see over. We build walls with our pain, with our selfishness, our sin, our addictions, our woundedness, our stubbornness, and as Phil said with our differences, expectations, withdrawal, busyness, and blame. Walls do not just prevent oneness, walls make lies look like truth, they make other grass look greener; they make options we never imagined cross our mind. Walls make misery a reality, joy elusive and hope deferred. Walls cast long dark shadows and block the light. Their shadows become a hiding place for the hopeless.
Just like they are built walls are taken down in different ways. Sometimes the wall is taken down by our own obedience to take the bricks down one at a time as we surrender each one to God. Sometimes it is taken down with the dramatic force of a sledgehammer by the power of the Holy Spirit. Regardless of how it comes down it is never easy or pain free, but it is possible.
In my own marriage walls have been built and taken down more than once. Some of our walls have taken years to take down. At one point there was a wall so thick and strong between us that we were both shouting at it and neither of us could hear or see one another through it. Then God spoke- and the wall crumbled to the ground and we saw each other and we began the journey of redemption and restoration. It did not come wrapped in a pretty box, it was an ugly, painful box that I did not ask for, but inside was the deep answer to prayer I had longed for. I realized then that God is bigger than the walls we build.
One of the biggest things that broke our thickest wall, the wall I prayed to come down, the wall I never thought would be destroyed, what brought it down was repentance. When we both experienced a true and deep repentance. A Godly sorrow for the bricks we put up, for the wounds we inflicted on one another.
Danny Silk says- “The gift of repentance creates the opportunity for true restoration. In fact, it is absolutely necessary in order to heal a relationship that has been hurt by sinful behavior. True repentance can only come through a relationship with God in which we come into contact with the grace of God to change.” A repentant heart takes the walls down and keeps the walls down.
I was hiding in the dark shadow of the wall we created, completely hopeless and miserable. Blinded by the darkness I could never have imagined the joy, beauty and intimacy the Light would bring. But I clung to Jesus with all I had, His strength helped me hope, His Truth dispelled the lies, His kindness brought me to repentance, His Word led me into obedience, His love helped me love. God in His Grace and Mercy gave us a gift of true repentance and out of the crumbles of our wall He is building something more beautiful than we ever imagined.
That is why I wanted to stand and cheer when Solomon and Christy tore down that wall. When our wall is destroyed it is a miraculous, beautiful, powerful thing. It brings healing and life, it brings heaven to earth.
If you are hiding in the shadow of a wall you think will never come down, if oneness seems like too much to ask for because all you are hoping for is to not be so miserable anymore- ask God for strength to take the first brick down, lean into His power for the strength to obey. Do not lose hope, you cannot imagine what He has in store for you. It may take years, or minutes, but a wall torn down can be the rescue you’ve longed for, do not lose hope. The destruction of our walls can be a painful process, do not lose hope, on the other side of the pain, on the other side of the wall, is intimacy, unspeakable joy, and hope fulfilled.